My story is different than yours. All I have ever been is true to who I am. This is my story. I know I have been confusing to you. I started writing because it helped me with my thoughts which created so much anxiety. I couldn’t rest and was not able to sleep until I was heard. You have been my therapist. The only way I could relax was to try to make sense of it all — mania consumed me. You cannot know where I came from because we all have our own experience here — I came from insanity.
We all live in dysfunction. We are a product of ourselves. We all have our different ways to make sense of all the things that don’t. Most of our coping methods are toxic and have created more dysfunction in ourselves and for the whole.
Some of you that follow me might know my story. Some of you know me and know. I am just trying to make sense of myself, God, and all of us. I am not trying to start a new religion. I am just being true to myself. That is the only one thing that is mine.
I don’t care about religion because I hate it actually. I struggle to get along with it. I hate it because of all its dysfunction and inconsistency. To me, religion has created the mess that we are in. To me, religion is not a good example of God because religion is a hypocrite.
Religion creates wars over who is right and religion says it is the true religion and all the other religions are made up stories. Religion is narcissistic.
I respect religion because I respect people and see how we all are shaped by religion and how religion becomes us. But I choose to never be defined by a religion because I realize that would mean denying my own truth.
I was not raised religiously. I am grateful to my parents that they did not structure their lives to be oppressed by religion. They allowed me to learn and believe what I want. I was given freedom. Today, we all have precious freedom that all of our ancestors did not, and many of them died fighting for it. Today, religion can no longer oppress us.
Out of the Box
The only thing I ever believed in and would trust is the one man who my world believed in — they said He was the perfect man, the Son of God, and that believing in Him would give me rest. When I was at my lowest point, suicidal even, that is when I really believed in Him.
Never did I think this would be the start of my very long journey to understanding myself, and, so having to understand all of us.
I Am Healed
This is my story of my healing journey. We all have our own story. Christianity taught me about Jesus but then I realized that Christianity does not believe in the Jew. So, I learned from the Jew by becoming his friend. I never mentioned Jesus’ name, not because I don’t believe in Him, but because I am sensitive that the Jew does not.
I want to understand the Jew.
The Jew has had a history of Christians being oppressive to the Jews and I understand what Christianity has done and know that it was wrong. There is a lot of pain there that I am sensitive about.
But I will never deny my love for Jesus because religion has a problem with Him.
Everything that I do and am is because I am grateful to Jesus. When I was nearly dead, it was Him that gave me hope to go on. He gave me purpose and reason. All I am doing is trying to understand who He is.
I realize more and more that He is love because He has shown me love for the people who hate Him and each other.
My heart is poured out for Him but still, people say that my love is because of them — No, it isn’t. Everything I learned is from my experience and devotion to Him.
God is ONE in physicality and spirituality — they are equals.
My experience revealed that they are one and revealed in the one I have always believed in.
I always believed in Him and see now that we all do too but we fail to see one another. We fail to see Him in each other.
The spirit of God who we believe in is in all of us and when we love the other we see Him. Yes, He is in all of our books, in all of our religions because He is one spirit.
The more we clean up our hate for the other, the more we will realize we are one another. One heart is one mind. We all speak to each other spiritually. Why wouldn’t we?
He is ONE.
The light of God is one spirit, one soul that is ONE in every single one of us that He created who we create when we reveal our love for Him by seeing Him in God’s creation.
Your love is His love.
He is love.
Love is all ONE.
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Shannie Alvarez — A Gentile with a Jewish Heart
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