The Poor in Spirit

Blessed are the poor in spirit, but why?

I wasn’t sure exactly what poor in spirit meant until my spirit was filled with the love of God. There was a time when I remember not knowing my right hand from my left and I had no idea what was up or what was down.

I remember being completely lost not knowing who I was. I did not know what I liked or what I wanted out of life. I had no direction. Was I sad or was I happy? I didn’t know if I was sad or happy. I didn’t know how to talk about what I was experiencing since I didn’t know what I was experiencing. I didn’t know if who I was was normal or what normal was.

I struggled with life. I always tried to get ahead, but found I’d only be beaten back down again. It would seem like I was making a good decision, for a bit, but then I’d realize I only made another poor one.

I felt that no one understood me, and they probably didn’t. I felt disconnected. I had no idea where I was myself. I couldn’t hold on to a career since I would think I liked one thing, but later discovered I completely hated it. I always struggled to pay bills and was always in debt. I was overwhelmed with life. I always found myself in a hole and then I didn’t know how to get out of it.

As much as I wanted to do things right and good, I just had no idea what that was. I found life to be too challenging for me. My spirit had started to give up and I had no power on my own to go on. I knew I was dying because I felt it.

This kinda message has been hard for me to put out there since, even still, I feel like I won’t be accepted or that people will judge me that I am not of a sound mind or able to accomplish things. Those are my biggest insecurities that continue to push me to where I am now.

With God I am Grounded

There is no power like the power of God. Looking back, I realize how much God hates to see us struggle. God just wants us to ask Him for help. Death was at my door when I called out to God with what little energy I had left in me. God heard my prayer and incredibly I felt him swoop in and cradled me saying, I am your Father, everything will be okay.

That was over twenty years ago and He was right.

I put myself through spiritual rehab and on a journey to learn who God is. I am always in rehab. I am always learning and growing into a better version of myself. God is my foundation. He is the means to know who I am. He is my direction. I depend on Him. There is no end to the greatness of God. Most of all, I know, without God I am nothing because on my own, I cannot do anything.

I am the poor in spirit, but with God, nothing will stop me. I know what is good for me.

I can love being me.